FF21: Three Reasons
by shannyfish
Summary: Felicity gives Oliver three reasons why it's better to be someone other than JUST the Arrow.


They'd both leaned in for the kiss and they just hung there in silence, their hungry lips not yet touching, but then Oliver just pulled away. Felicity stared at him in confusion. They'd been through so much over the past couple of years together and he'd had no problems having relationships of some degree with other women over the years.

Laurel.

Helena.

Makenna.

Sara.

Isabel.

When it came to her, though, Felicity felt like he was always pulling back. All it had been…or what it would have been was a kiss. Nothing more. Why was it so hard for Oliver? There were no new demands, strings, or obligations in place other than how things had been between them before.

"What?" she finally asked, the question a confused whisper.

Oliver Queen was a man that not everyone could read, but Felicity could. She could see every single emotion leaking into the tears that were forming in his eyes. Emotions were especially something that Oliver tried to hold close. He always felt like he needed to be so strong, no matter how everyone else around him was feeling, which drove Felicity crazy. The thing was, Oliver Queen was a human being. He had emotions and he needed to express them. Right now, though, she could read them.

Fear.

Guilt.

Worry.

Anxiety.

Sadness.

Love.

There was absolutely no doubt in her mind that Oliver loved her and cared about her, he just didn't seem capable of really relaying those feelings without other feelings clouding them. Times like these, Felicity just wanted to shake him and tell him that it was okay to feel and not to think about anything else, but them in that moment.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out. "I can't… I can't be close like this with anyone…"

Her heart broke a little.

"Oliver—"

"You deserve to be happy, Felicity," Oliver told her, cutting off what she was saying. "You deserve a normal life." He paused and it seemed like an immense sadness overtook him. "You deserve to be safe," he continued. "And I can't give you that life." His head bowed for a moment, like he was trying to keep a handle on his emotions, before he turned and headed out of the Foundry without another word.

Shocked and speechless, Felicity just watched him go. There were so many things that she wanted to say to that, but none of the words would come out.

She wanted to say…

You make me happy.

This is my life, so it's my choice.

Who is normal? I don't want normal.

I'm safe when I'm with you.

But this is the life I want.

A life with you.

Tears fell in place of those words and she struggled to make sense of it all. Was that really what he wanted? Did he want her to no longer be apart of the team? Felicity didn't think she could go back to that sort of normal boring life.

She wanted more.

She wanted him.

The Next Night…

He was so still.

It was so silent.

The stillness and quiet was starting to drive her nuts. Felicity swore that it was messing with her emotions even more. She'd told herself that there would be no tears or breaking down. He was going to be fine…he was just 'sleeping' at the moment.

The truth of it was that Oliver had technically died twice since they'd laid him on the cold metal table in the Foundry. Oliver had been with Roy and Diggle in the field to take down a drug operation. It hadn't been anything too crazy or too tricky. It was actually quite the walk int he park for them. The cops had shown up, because Felicity had called and informed them that they had some bad guys to pick up and a drug lab to contain. A new cop had been one of the first to show up. It had been dark. He was nervous and hadn't identified himself as a cop. Oliver likely looked big and scary and able to kill the cop in the shadows. He'd shot Oliver three times before he'd realized exactly who he'd shot. One of the bullets had hit far too close to Oliver's heart for her or Diggle's liking. They'd all wanted to take him to the hospital, but Oliver had insisted on being treated in the Foundry.

He was so stubborn.

God, but she still loved him.

Breaking down seemed like such a good day, just to get all of her feelings out and she was alone in the Foundry, so she could do so without having to worry about anyone seeing her. She wasn't going to do it, though. She kept telling herself that, but it only seemed harder to keep it inside.

"You can be the Arrow AND be with me, just so you know," she whispered as she stared at him. She'd held his hand for a while, but it made her so nervous that he didn't move. Diggle had said he would likely be out for a while and possibly not until the next morning. So, instead, she decided that now that Oliver was her captive audience, whether he was hearing her or not, she was going to have a conversation she'd been wanting to have with him.

"It's not better to JUST be the Arrow, Oliver…" Felicity said a little louder. "I know you think that it is. That you have to chose, but you don't. You have a choice to make." She sighed. "And you keep making the wrong one."

Even if she'd only known Oliver for a couple of years, Felicity felt like she'd known him during the most important years of his life. They'd helped to shape each other. They'd made each other better. Sometimes, they knew each other better than they knew themselves. Sometimes she didn't know how she hadn't known him her whole life. Maybe that was how she couldn't fathom him being in her life for every day to come.

"You have to have love in your life, Oliver," she said as her voice broke a bit. The idea of living a life that was so entrenched in darkness was hard for her. It was painful and there was absolutely no joy in it. It was all sadness and darkness and nothingness. Lian Yu. Everywhere else that Oliver had been in those five years he was gone…where he learned his training as a killer…that had been his dark time. What they did now. The meaning it gave to the city, to his life, and the light that it brought…that was really what was important.

"This isn't going to be some long lecture, but since you have nothing better to do than listen…I'm going to give you my three reasons why there's more to this world…to this life than just being the Arrow…reasons to let love in."

She paused, as if letting her words sink into him. Felicity probably felt even more strongly about what he was about to say now because of the state Oliver was in. It seemed like Oliver was always almost dying. Almost lost to them forever. So, it just seemed even more fitting now that she said these things to him. Maybe his unconscious mind would hear it and really absorb it. Things might be different, or at least she hoped so.

"Okay, reason number one," she said. "Loving someone gives you something more to live for." Felicity truly believed that no matter what horror was in the world, no matter how hard it got, if you had someone that you loved like that…they could pull you through anything. The thought of them could move mountains for you and to be all the motivation you needed. For Oliver, all she could think was that maybe it would help him be safer and guarantee him coming home less close to dead more often. Or maybe that was just her hope.

She was quiet as she really thought about how she was going to say everything. If he was actually listening to her, then she wanted to be clear. She didn't want to ramble or prattle on. It needed to be clear and concise. "I'm sure you see love as a weakness, but it's also a strength, Oliver. And if you know it's a weakness and a strength, then you can use it to your advantage." Felicity wondered if Oliver could actually see it in that way. She knew him and she knew how his mind worked. "Second reason."

The sound of her phone vibrating against the metal table scared her, causing her to jump. She closed her eyes for a second before reaching out to grab the phone. Putting it to her ear, she answered it. "Hey Digg," she answered. "No…he's still the same…" Felicity covered her face with her free hand. She was exhausted, but she didn't want to leave. "No, I'm okay… Don't send Roy. Let him sleep." The problem with Diggle was that he knew her just as well as Oliver knew her, except Diggle had a dose of wisdom that Oliver had yet to attain. "Yeah, you're right…that's likely the last meal I had…" She sighed and shook her head. "Okay…okay…yes, I know I need to eat and sleep." Felicity was extremely quiet as she let the tears fall and her voice broke. "I just don't want to leave him…"

Once Diggle had hung up, she wiped her tears away and took a few minutes to really breathe. One more reason. She needed to get through that last one before Diggle finally showed up. This conversation was between her and Oliver, though she knew that Diggle knew exactly how it was between her and Oliver…it seemed like the choices were plain to everyone except Oliver. That was probably why it made it so much more frustrating.

"Last reason," she whispered as she stared at him. There was a long pause. She was working it up to it. "I love you." Emotions wanted to rock her, but she wouldn't let them. Felicity felt like she HAD to say these things. They had to be said. Oliver needed to hear them. "It shouldn't be about fear. It should only be about loving someone and doing anything and everything to make it work…" She was silent for so long before she spoke up the final things she wanted to say to him. "I want to make it work. Do you?"

A Week Later…

Felicity had gone on with her week like every other. Once Oliver had opened his eyes and he'd shown that he was out of the woods…things had just slid back to how they always were. Sometimes that was how it was. Felicity always expected there to be some kind of epiphany from Oliver. There never was. She told herself that maybe she needed to lower her expectations when it came to Oliver, but that was hard…

"Do you have a minute?"

She'd thought that she was going to have at least an hour until everyone else showed up. There were some security upgrades she wanted to make to their computers and servers. Then there was just some other minor, bothersome maintenance that she needed to do, just because it was something that needed to be done. Felicity spun around in her chair until she faced him. He was standing there dressed in casual clothes, something that it seemed like she didn't see him in as much as she once had. "Sure."

"No one else is coming in early, are they?" he asked as he moved closer to her, dragging the other rolling computer chair with him.

Felicity tilted her head to the side as she watched him. "No."

"Good," he said before sitting down in the chair so that he was sitting with his knees touching hers.

Straightening up, she looked at him with curiosity. "What kind of talk are we having?" Felicity questioned. "Should I be worried?"

"Nothing like that," he said with a smile. She loved his smile. He looked down and then took her hands in his. Oliver laughed before he finally looked up at her, his thumbs running over the back of her hands.

It was all making her so nervous. "What? You said I shouldn't be nervous, but here I am…nervous…"

"I'm the one who's nervous." He was quiet for a moment before he finally spoke up. "I want you to know that I heard you…and I thought about what you said."

"Wait…you heard me?" she asked slowly. "Which time? Because I say things a lot and you do whatever you want anyways."

Oliver smiled at that. "You do. So does Diggle."

"Diggle's good at the whole wise Jedi master talk and I—"

"And you tell me how it is and you don't hold back," Oliver finished and just smiled at her. "And it's one of the reasons that you make me a better person."

"Just…remember that," she said slowly as she watched him. Felicity still found herself nervous as she sat there.

Oliver was quiet for a moment. "A week ago, you gave me three reasons why I should be more than just the Arrow—"

"Oh my God, you heard that?!" Felicity blurted out and covered her face before dropping her elbows to her knees and just generally trying to shrink down so that Oliver couldn't see her face anymore. Maybe she'd just be invisible and they could avoid this conversation. It wasn't that she didn't want to have the conversation, but rather that she was afraid of what Oliver was going to say about it.

"You gave me three reasons," Oliver continued. "I can give you all kinds of reasons why we shouldn't even think about being together or even why you shouldn't be here…part of the team…but we both know that it doesn't matter what I want. It comes down to not only do I need you and Diggle and Roy here with me, but I want you all here… You, Felicity, you make me a better person," Oliver explained. "You push me and challenge me…and you keep me from becoming something that I hate."

"I could probably name all of THOSE reasons because I've probably heard them enough," Felicity mumbled from behind her hands.

He reached out and pulled her hands down so that he could see her face and just stared at her for a long moment. "I'm afraid of hurting you…of me…hurting you…whether that be physically or emotionally…both… I'm just afraid, Felicity. You are the one person in this world who I don't want to hurt. Never like that. I'm also afraid of you getting hurt because of me. Because I'm Oliver Queen. Because I'm the Arrow. Because people know that you help me." He paused. "In all honesty, I'm afraid of letting go and completely falling for you…and then failing you…"

"You can never fail me, Oliver," Felicity whispered. "I won't let you."

Oliver didn't argue it. Instead, he continued. "But you've changed me, for the better." He beamed at her. "First reason."

"Oh, you're really going to do reasons, too?" she asked a bit surprised and straightened herself up in the chair again, allowing him to once again take her hands.

"Second reason," Oliver continued without a pause. "Whenever I'm out there…even when I don't have your voice in my ear…I think about you, Felicity. You motivate me to continue this mission…even when it changes."

He paused this time and looked down for a long moment before looking up at her. "And I love you."

"Third reason?" she whispered as she leaned forward.

"The best reason," Oliver told her as he leaned forward as well.

"Oliver, I want—"

He spun the chair just so, until he had pulled her into his lap and his lips were pressed against hers in such a hungry kiss. It made her head spin, but she held tight to him, his arms wrapping around her and keeping her anchored in place. It was like suddenly everything around them stopped and the world suddenly made sense.

"I want to try, Felicity," he whispered against her lips when they finally parted.

To try.

That was really all she could ask for.

For Oliver, that was leaps and bounds.

"I might need to hear that again," she whispered as she stared at him as a smile spread across her face.

"You just want me to kiss you again," Oliver teased as his hand held the side of her face and he leaned in kissing her again.

Felicity pulled back from the kiss and just smiled stupidly. "And again," she said as she leaned in this time to kiss him. "And again," she said as she took a breath and then kissed him again.

The End.


End file.
